I’ve finally just subscribed to the idea of being in an emotional flux. One minute I’m happy, the next I’m in a hole with nowhere to go, leading to anger with myself for feeling as such, followed by a burst of production that leads back to step one and repeats.

College is over soon; I only have two days left. I know the stresses of the work and the idea of just going to sheridan alone will be gone, which is nice. I still know that there will be other stresses in life though, like money, finding another job, trying to schedule a show, etc. Life never gets easier.

This sort of jumping back and forth might be a product of the fact that I’m unsure of who I really hold dear in my life. With my time at sheridan ending, I know I won’t see most of the people I spent it with ever again. I’m not really that upset about it for some reason…
Don’t misunderstand- I met some really great people; wonderful human beings with dreams and ambitions just like me, if not more than me. They are really good friends who are a lot of fun to spend time with, but I know that for some strange reason I will not keep in contact with most of them. It seems like a social-defence-mechanism that keeps everyone moving along. I don’t like the idea of it, but in reality it doesn’t bother me because it just happens.

Maybe it’s this relational flux that’s causing my emotional flux…

I love you and I really want to just be happy and ambitious again.


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