Great Release

Photo by Evan Spicer
Photo by Evan Spicer

On Saturday, July 6th 2013, I held my release concert for my new World Makers LP.
I had never put on a show before this, so I was really amazed at the amount of work that went into it.
I had Rob Lee helping with producing and organizing it, and a lot of friends backing.

I was also amazed by the crazy ups and downs that I went through at the show, emotionally. One minute it would be euphoria, the next; extreme dysphoria. Maybe it was due to all the leadup and planning of the event, and perhaps that combined with releasing something I had been working on for so long…

So the event came, we had a strange and wondrous time, and then it was over. Just like that. My album was out, I had performed, my friends and fellow musicians performed, and that was it.
After months of having something to hold back and hype, I have nothing.
In a second my plate was clean.

When you release something you worked really hard on, it’s a bit like sending your kid off to school for the first time (or so I’m told). You have this long stretch of time where you got to know it, helped shape and mold it, gave it strengths and inherent weaknesses, created it. Then the day comes where you say goodbye and put it in someone else’s hands.
It’s a very strange feeling.

There are parts of this record I am proud of. There are parts of this record I am not proud of. What matters to me though is that it’s done. I started writing it in 2010, and that was three years ago. Three years is a long fucking time for someone my age.
It feels like now that this is out, I can finally breathe. I don’t have this weird ethereal thing sitting on my chest anymore. I understand that its strong points and shortcomings will reflect on me for a long time, if not forever. I understand that where I have failed, people will see that as a reflection of my ability to make music.
I also understand that now there’s no barrier of having unfinished business with my old work. There’s no obligation to it anymore. I can only acknowledge that it happened, and now it’s over.
It really does feel amazing.

So that phase of my life is over. The themes covered on the album aren’t really at the forefront for me anymore. I’m subconsciously focusing on different things now. I’m moving away from Toronto to work at a university degree in Montreal. I may not even perform again in Toronto until December. I may come back with more than just myself involved in Waxlimbs, and I may not even come back with Waxlimbs…

I think uncertainty through time is a wonderful thing. There’s opportunity for something to change into something better, and there’s opportunity for something to die and have something else take its place.

The best part? I’m completely fucking uncertain.

You can stream and download World Makers for free right here, or on my bandcamp page.

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Great Release

Seastorm [Poem]

As distant ships comparing
Reflections of smoke on ghost glass
You and I learn a little more
about, one another.
You are from the coast and I am
from the city which is far from there.

The distance is meaningless in this place though.

As skating on a mirror
We see more of ourselves than
We would elsewhere.

Last rays of our sun
and we are close.

I reach out to touch you.

As a stormcloud comes and goes
I am ripped from the bridge and
Hit with cold water like a broken mirror.
Your eyes dissolve before me
and your smell is lost in the wind.

Like a cold, smooth marble carapace
We retain and are kept off our secret mirror.

You,
From the coast

and Me
From the city.

As the cold white sun streams in,
I molt and get dressed. I know I will see you again.
Like two distant ships comparing smoke reflections on ghost glass.
As skating on a mirror,
I will be there.

 

 

NOTE: You can listen to the audio of this poem here:

Seastorm [Poem]

The Clock [Poem]

The Clock

This one has a soft spot in me…

The Clock

Taken back to
“Will you?”
Brings up the question of clocks
In a casino like snow-leopards on
The wall, they are counted by name.

Nervously look up at the blank
Space I wish was filled with
Black on white.
The red hand comes around
And your eyes are as uncomfortable
As open heart surgery.
If you break our sound barrier,
I won’t be able to finish
My king’s speech to write a closing letter.

Brought forward to
“Can we please?”
Brings up the question of
Self-hypnosis, of monsters.
The discomfort of continuing
Brings around the red hand again.
A split second of blame and
All I want to do is go home.

I’ve overstayed my visit
And it’s time to move to the
Minutes.
The black hand will be next.

Leaving the concrete enclosure
Will be good for me.
I honestly hope you
Don’t stay and become lost.

Accompanying song:

The Clock [Poem]

In Order [Poem]

In Order

Would you please lock the door
We’re done for the day.
Your families and photos
have all gone away.
Cut the old band
from your wrist,
Let’s sit down
and take in
All of our twists.

We’ve got rings on our
fingers in a hurry
We lost your papers in a flurry
Your treatment is pulling and pulling
You have me worried.

You’re demanding and heaving
I’m shrinking and sinking
We’re loving and hating
Fearing deflating.

We’re slightly cracked up
in your smile,
A byproduct of thirst.
They won’t let you drink
water
and your hair is falling out.
Curl up beside me
You’ve even lost your pout.

Now pull aside the shades;
It’s too dark in here
for you
There’s still air for us to breathe
and I’m not letting go.

When you spoke to me
Last night I knew you would
Slip away
Underneath the curtains
Moonlight in your face.

I’m crying and squeezing
Your hand is releasing
While you’re fading and feeling
A quiet wish for healing.

In Order [Poem]

I Seem To Have Lost Some Tunnel Vision

Walking home on the Queensway one night.

Last night I walked farther than I have in a while. Roughly 10k. There are a lot of people who will say that’s not much, but it was to me because I’m out of shape. I ended up at a friend’s house and asked if he wanted to go roaming around Mississauga.
We essentially wandered aimlessly, talking about things that drive us and how they affect the people of our world. In the end, I was able to state how I feel about him.
Since we met, we have worked together on a lot of projects that never came to fruition; they have always ended the same way. We would drop what we were doing due to creative differences. This stems from things like clashing ideas and such.
Last night I realized that he has become a sort of weird hipster-asshole over time. He has always been against unoriginality, but it’s come to the point where he’s become so defined against it that he is now very unoriginal himself. He’s bitter, judgemental and rude about things that people would just do for fun. Any meaning is bad, the meaning is that there is no meaning, that’s what makes it meaningful. Seriously? Very asshole-ish.

If you just want to let loose, you shouldn’t overthink things to the point where they ruin the original endeavour. Life sucks when you have to worry about what people are thinking about you all of the time. I do try to give everything I do a philosophy, but I don’t try to undermine other people’s philosophies if they really matter to them.
In the end, the night was ruined and I walked 5k home feeling like shit. Next weekend, I plan to go out again and actually make something of myself with people who aren’t so un-generic that they have become generic.

Long story short: Anonymous friend- stop being such an asshole.

I’m out.
-Alex

I Seem To Have Lost Some Tunnel Vision